Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
