Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
