she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
