Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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