i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
