I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
