: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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