Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Swine flu is the new snow day.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
