If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
