Only a mothe r could love this liver
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I love you. Go after that dick
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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