Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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