They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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