As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
