i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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