i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
