She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
