These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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