Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
