you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
