rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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