hell yes lets make some ravioli
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
