Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
