It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
