I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
