I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
