I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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