how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
