Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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