i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
