There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
