Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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