He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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