i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
