I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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