Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm really busy with my period
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