I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
