He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
