my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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