i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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