woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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