So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
