note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
