At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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