Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
