WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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