i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
