the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
