wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
