Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
