well I can't set my house on fire every night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
