hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
