dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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