found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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