he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
