She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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