oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize