If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You did what with his pubic hair?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
