You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
