he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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