i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
