I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
