Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
nutella sex= disaster
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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