There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
