I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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