love makes seman taste better
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
