I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
