I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
