I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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