I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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