you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Blood and glitter go together right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
