he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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