got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
