If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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